new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
