You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
