1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
that's an acceptable place to lick
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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