I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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