I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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