remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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