i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize