In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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