I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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