I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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