Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
