This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
