I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
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I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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