her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
