Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
