so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
