Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
