I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
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I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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