i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
