we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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