I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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