so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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