I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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