My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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