All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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