Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
