So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
