we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
