Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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