how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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