Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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