I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
