Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize