Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
