So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
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He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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