i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
