I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
