i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
