i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is it penis luge time yet?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
