After last night, I could never be a politician.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
