i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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