Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
