walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
