The maid of honor just puked.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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