Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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