I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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