Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
