we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I deserve this hangover.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
