i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
