why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
