Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
