Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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