You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
