yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
