i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
