Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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