i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Let's get the cat blown out
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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