and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
