i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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