Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize