Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
