come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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