I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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