Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
