other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
