Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
