Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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